Introduction: Anger is a fact of life, but it doesn’t have to be your whole life. Angry as you may feel, you haven't invented the emotion and most likely your situation has links to others who have experienced something similar. To know that you're not alone can be comforting news. Anger has been around forever and that is not likely to change; but you can, and you must! News, TV, movies and music all show just how out of control the world has become. Angry people, hurt people are everywhere. Don't be depressed about it, learn from it! Decide not to be like them!
One person can make a difference. Narrow your focus and start with you and your loved ones. Change your life by changing your attitude and anger levels. Just changing your little corner of influence for those around you will bring peace and joy into your life. It begins with us, as individuals and will spread to others. First rule of life? Do No Harm. Let's begin where we are, let's begin today.
Self Control
The idea that you cannot control your anger or your behavior is a myth. You are in complete control of your daily life activities and your actions at all times. You make decisions every day: you go to work; you buy a car; you go to school; you marry; and you choose friends. The list could go on and on, but the point is you determine your life and what happens in it.
Basically, you have the freedom to choose your path in life; the freedom to choose your attitude and your behavior. Make the decision to stop "re-acting" choosing instead to solve problems, accept what can't change right now, and have patience.
You may be struggling with how to manage and control your anger. If this struggle is ever present in your life, you are not alone. Many, many adults have problems with angry feelings because we are not taught how to handle the emotion of anger as children. If you cry or express sadness, everyone knows what to do, if you show signs of happiness, others join in, but what happens when you express anger? Does anyone say, “It’s okay that you just destroyed the living room?"
How about anger as a child? Did anyone stand around and say, “Oh, that’s wonderful that you feel angry and have screamed for most of the day. That really helped.”
What is Healthy Anger?
As children, most of us were not shown how to experience or express anger. Most of us weren't taught how to be angry, unfortunately, that seems to have been left to chance or observation. As an adult, you have an obligation to yourself and others and can learn an appropriate and safe way to be mad. Maybe our own parents wanted to teach you about anger, but didn't know how.
Perhaps the adults in our life were not good examples of healthy anger. Did you see them get control of themselves? If so, how did they do it? Think back: what exactly did they do to step out of anger? Did they take a walk? Did they turn silent for awhile? Did they clean house; mow the lawn, walk the dog; talk to a friend; write down their feelings; listen to music; play the piano; read a book? They probably did something soothing and maybe it was so subtle you barely noticed.
I imagine most of our parents had pretty good anger management skills and if not them, then perhaps our grandparents. Most of us don't remember really angry grandparents, probably because they grew up doing a lot of physical work and that might have very well been the thing that stopped their acting out. Research indicates that physcial exercise or tasks often change our mood for the better. Use that for an excuse to keep those kiddos and teens "working!"
Idleness
As a parent for over 250 foster children during the last 20 years, I learned the hard way that idle time is the fuel for danger. Keep them busy in activities that involve learning skills, developing hobbies, or helping others. It's pretty hard to stay mad when you've learned to be grateful in your heart for what you have. Nothing teaches that better than to help someone who may not have what we do, whether it's money or good health.
Anger Management
Take the time to learn how to manage your anger. It's not too late. An old dog CAN learn new tricks!
Think about what makes you feel good, what makes you feel hurt or sad; what aggravates you; what energizes you and makes you happy. Then, realize the same kinds of things most likely affect others. Thinking about others is the first step to anger control.
Can you walk away when you're mad? Practice.
Can you forgive someone for their mistakes that have hurt or angered you? Do it, and feel lighter. Drop that excess baggage you're carrying around.
Whatever is causing your anger, you can change it. You can make the decision to stop the anger by putting the event that's hurt you out of your mind until you find a good time to talk about it. Delaying a reaction to anger seldom hurts the situation.
Quick Anger Control Steps
Pause
Think,
Problem Solve
Write down a few things that you can do to make what's wrong turn into what's right. Learn healthy new behaviors to replace the old ones.
Remember, yes, you can control your temper; we all can and SHOULD. We can step out of destructive behaviors and develop healthy attitudes that will not only lessen our own stress, but keep us from stressing out others. It just takes a little thinking; a little caring about the other person. Think ahead, plan ahead, for your next angry moment.
What will be your choice?
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Contributor's Note
Anger for the most part is destructive. Change today!
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